ANTI-DEPRESSANT

I am one who has been in depression, so don't take my words without considering that.

I am not sure how deep my depression was, but much of my memories of my 7th grade year are darkness.  I mean that literally.  I don't remember much but the sadness I felt.  Not all of my memories are bad; it was during that year I 1st found my fondness for writing, though I never channeled much effort to it outside of class.

From 6th grade on to high school I dealt with this inner sadness and sorrow.  I loathe what my life was, but I hid it from everyone.  

I remember one afternoon just crying because I hated so much of my existence, I couldn't see anything to be thankful for, I had analyzed my many faults and came to the conclusion that I was worthless.  I had many word spoken to me, even from my parents that made me believe that I was a loser.  The only thing left for me was to kill myself.

That thought startled me.  It almost came out of nowhere. Kill myself I thought.  Almost immediately I threw that idea out of my head.  There was just no way I could do that, and it was not the idea of how I would ever get up the nerve to off myself, but this one thought brought me out.  

I HAVE HOPE.

Somehow, despite all my deceitfulness, and lack of paying attention to God, I realized that I had a hope IN GOD, and there was no way I was going to kill myself when things would eventually get better.

Psalms 42:11 

Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disturbed within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.  

Years later I came across this verse and it all made more sense to me, God had truly been my hope.  It was around that time that I also found out the nature of my hope IN CHRIST JESUS. 


 Who through His death on the cross and triumph over death, has given full access to life and HOPE.