I am one who has been in depression, so don't take my words without considering that.
I am not sure how deep my depression was, but much of my memories of my 7th grade year are darkness. I mean that literally. I don't remember much but the sadness I felt. Not all of my memories are bad; it was during that year I 1st found my fondness for writing, though I never channeled much effort to it outside of class.
From 6th grade on to high school I dealt with this inner sadness and sorrow. I loathe what my life was, but I hid it from everyone.
I remember one afternoon just crying because I hated so much of my existence, I couldn't see anything to be thankful for, I had analyzed my many faults and came to the conclusion that I was worthless. I had many word spoken to me, even from my parents that made me believe that I was a loser. The only thing left for me was to kill myself.
That thought startled me. It almost came out of nowhere. Kill myself I thought. Almost immediately I threw that idea out of my head. There was just no way I could do that, and it was not the idea of how I would ever get up the nerve to off myself, but this one thought brought me out.
I HAVE HOPE.
Somehow, despite all my deceitfulness, and lack of paying attention to God, I realized that I had a hope IN GOD, and there was no way I was going to kill myself when things would eventually get better.
Psalms 42:11
Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disturbed within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Who through His death on the cross and triumph over death, has given full access to life and HOPE.
